Concept Of Virginity
Lifestyle

Why We Must Move Beyond The Concept Of Virginity?

Have you ever wondered why a woman’s virginity is so important? Why it is given such tremendous honor where even the act when she has sex for the first time is known as defloration? Which if you are confused translates to losing a flower.

Yes, both men and women are put under pressure when it comes to their virginity. But the difference here is that for men, the pressure is to lose it while for women, she is asked to safeguard it for her husband. We are in 2020, but still, in a plethora of countries, grooms look for virgin brides because that somehow means that she is pure. The idea is absolutely absurd, however, it is still carried on even today.

It Is Sexist 

From a very young age, women are taught that their virginity is “precious” and she is supposed to give it up only to the right person, meaning her husband. But lo and behold, if a woman gives in to her sexuality and explores it, she is deemed “damaged” or “characterless.”

In fact, in some countries, if a woman isn’t a virgin, she can also be killed because as mentioned earlier, it is somehow a sign of purity and somehow her family’s honor lies in her virginity.

But that’s not how it works for men. In some nations, they are encouraged to go out and lose it as soon as possible and when that happens, they are never slut-shamed but are celebrated. As a matter of fact, their virginity never comes into account. This is not a debate between men vs women, but one cannot deny it that men have it easier.

Bleeding Is Compulsory? 

It is a common belief that if a woman is a virgin, she will bleed the first time. But no, that’s not always the case. When a woman has penetrative sex for the first time, her hymen breaks causing her to bleed lightly. The hymen is a thin, fleshy tissue that is stretched across the opening of the vagina. However, the hymen can break quite easily while inserting tampons or because of exercising and more. And this occurs without her knowledge. So, even if she has never had penetrative sex before, there are chances that she might not bleed.

Virginity Leads To Slut-Shaming 

Basically, slut-shaming means when you place guilt on women for their sexuality, and it looks like virginity is constructed so that a society can judge its women.

If she loses it to someone she loves but is not married to him, she is judged. If she loses it at a young age, she is judged. Even if she follows all the norms and loses it to the man she is married to, she is judged saying she fancied it and is made to feel guilty for a natural act.

When it comes to slut-shaming, it goes further. Right from the way she dresses to the number of male friends she has, people size her up based on these petty things. And, if her clothes are a little too short or if she is seen with a guy, people already come to the conclusion that she is a sexual being and they try to repress her worth.

It is high time that women understand that even if you are exploring your sexuality without following the rules and regulations constructed by society, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Also, it is something very personal, so no one apart from you can have any say in this matter.

Virginity Is Not A Measurement Tool 

As mentioned earlier, virginity is construed as purity. Therefore, what it means for a woman is that her value is inherently linked to how much sex she has had. So, if she has been with quite a few partners, automatically she is deemed unworthy or impure by society. But for men it’s different, isn’t it? They are rewarded for the number of partners they have had and are given the title of a stud whereas a woman gets labeled as a slut. It is high time that we stop indulging in this double standard and simply live and let live!

A Hetronormative Label 

Virginity leads to the notion that penis-in-vagina sex is somehow special while other forms are not. It tries to defend the idea that only having penetrative sex, where a penis enters the vagina, is what real sex is all about. But that’s not the case. And virginity erases the experience of gay, bisexual, lesbian, queer, and other non-heterosexual people. Virginity merely assumes you to be heterosexual and discounts any other experiences.

Sex is a private act. So, why is it made important to keep your virginity? It should be a personal choice, where no one should have the right to question it.

Also, does virginity matter in a relationship? Because it shouldn’t, in no way and only being a good human being should be the criteria.

Nupur Awasthi

Writer. Feminist. Ambivert. Prefers animals and good books to humans!

You may also like...